the latest musings…

• dogs barking, can’t fly without an umbrella

  

  I sit here in Turkey, happy at all that has happened to me and my life. It is still spring here, and the colors are everywhere! Everything is beautiful and wonderful. There are, however, as with most countries, SO many stray dogs and cats. Barking in the night. Fighting. Mating. Everything is mating right now. Even the spiders and flies. Now is the time to expand the content of my travel blog and come up with a new strategy.

  what takes up my time and brain

  I am an online English tutor and it is very satisfying and helpful to others. It IS ENOUGH. But enough has never been enough for me. I feel it is enough to “live” abroad, but not enough for more…to really THRIVE. It is also mentally draining.

  After four days of non-stop talking to my students, thinking in Big Picture mode, helping and giving my best to each student, I AM DRAINED and spent. There is not much left for anything else but parking it on my butt and doing little else. Teaching in China kept my brain from little else (reason for very little posts!) or other pursuits. So changes must come again.

  ideas and tutorials

  It is time to switch gears when I am not teaching. I am educating myself and trying anything else to produce other income streams. Now, I am looking at other ways to create “passive income” online. I’ve even started into the world of affiliate marketing. I never wanted to venture into marketing, but many people are successful at it so I am going to give it a try too. FB is a tool, but I will keep my personal account out of it.

  I also worked yesterday with other creative ideas for ebooks and other ways to expand my blog and build an audience. I don’t post regularly enough for this because it takes a lot, mentally, to write a ‘personal’ post to share with everyone. This began as a journal of the adventures of my travels and growth. I’ve decided to also expand here and post stories about other people’s stories, experiences, adventures, and new things. They will, however, always be about travel! Other people’s stories about their bravery, to live life on their own terms by taking off on an adventure and doing something different, in a different place and time.

  

  I will even reach out to people on social media that I follow who are traveling adventurers and try to interview them. Sticking to my own stories makes the posts far and few between and I need to be more active on my site.

  To build a more expansive audience, I need to be more active on the blog. In order to do this, I need to expand the content I post on my travel blog.

  where to go? what to do? how to get there?

  The other things to think about when blogging are to think about what you can write about that solves a problem people in your audiences may have. So, this main ‘niche’ of my blog is travel. So I will also be posting guides, tips, hints and ideas for different countries and locations and traveling.

  Don’t worry, I will still post my stories and updates. But I want to share other’s amazing experiences in the world to you too. And I build an audience. And create more content.

  This is also a hard thing for me to do. But, this is part of what I have always wanted to do – to make money off my blog. In order to do this, I have to ‘treat it like a business’ so I need to think about how I can produce more content on a regular basis. I cannot do that with my stories alone.

  I will also be creating a channel on YouTube, once I get over myself being on camera.

  

  SO – stay tuned!

  xohedy

• fifty-one fifty

  

  I’d been contemplating a new blog post, and what to talk about as I am about to enter a new stage of my life becoming one year older. I wanted to talk about the changes I have been experiencing since the last big birthday day. I wanted to share what I have been doing since I finally ‘escaped’ China last year, and set foot on the ‘free’ soil of Europe, once again…my beloved Europe! I wanted to talk about how I have felt since last year and everything in between because it has been so long that I have sat at the computer to share these things with anyone but my own internal dialogue. but, with what is going on in the world lately, it seems so trivial.

  the DICKtator of russia strikes

  I grew up in a world threatened and fearful of the USSR. I had recently come to terms with the fact that I have this memory when I was younger, being with my great-grandmother at her house. I remember we had to turn all the lights off, and she said we had to be really quiet. I heard in the distance air-raid sirens. she explained it wasn’t real, it was practice, but if we heard it, we had to go in and hide. how and why do I have this memory in my life? this was the late 1970s or early 80’s.

  the fear of attack in the US was alive when I was young. and I shared this with my sweet Ukrainian friend I made in china. I told her I understood her fears and anxieties as we felt it in the US at one point in time. it never came to pass. surely, had we been as close as her people are, it would have. and now, for her and her people, it has rained down on them in full-throttle.

  

  more than just conflicts

  there are ‘wars’, attacks, and invasions that have occurred in other countries in my lifetime for other poor, innocent people. but Russia going into a country to attack in a manner that the whole entire world stands up and stands together against it – I never thought I would see this in my lifetime. I never thought this would happen in 2022. the entire world is still on the tail-end of a decimating virus that has already claimed the lives of millions, and now this? it is so very sad that this is happening. to the poor people of Ukraine, and the unknowing people of Russia.

  on another front

  I have enjoyed hiding out in Saranda, Albania. they have been very good to me here. I will definitely return. it is very inexpensive, very convenient, and located near a beautiful sea. but the small-town time is getting too much and it is time to move on! I cannot hide anymore, I have to brave this virus-laden world and move forward. in three weeks, i will fly to TURKEY!!

  I am really excited about this. I have been fascinated by Turkey for almost two decades, and the lovely students I have from there have only cemented it. Granted, I was actually planning Georgia first (the country, not the state) because I can stay a year without a visa, but I would have to come directly (virus rules) and that is impossible without going through Turkey first. So, Turkey it is!

  

  My flat is cheaper than here, and in a lovely seaside area, with a balcony that I can sit on and watch the sunset. One of the things I used to love to do while living in Pacifica – come home from work and run out to watch the sunset with the other Pacificans doing the same.

  So, I will be spending the next couple of weeks enjoying the last of my construction-noise-filled time here, my birthday, and the freakin’ cold weather still enveloping my being (hate cold weather now!) and preparing for the next adventure, new beaches, and warm weather! Not to mention, new culture and food. :))

  Here is to another year older, another year of life-changing experiences, and getting more opportunities for content to grow and expand my online adventures!

• 36 ways to live differently

  this was an email that I received as a subscriber to Chris Guillebeau’s site, The Art of Non-Conformity. these are some great gems of wisdom. Here is the original post.

  

  To live better means that you’ll live differently—somehow, you’ll make some kind of change. Your life will be different tomorrow than it is today.

  Naturally, some changes are easier than others. By regularly exposing yourself to new ideas and practices, you can learn to think and live differently.

  New ideas also tend to build on one another. Pick several of these and consider how applying them might impact your life. (Pay special attention to anything that provokes a strong reaction, either positive or negative.)

  1. Learn to recognize the hidden curriculum of life. This refers to all the unspoken yet powerful norms we are expected to follow. Breaking these norms leads to social disapproval. (For a fun time, start breaking them and see how people respond. Face the “wrong” way in the elevator, tell people how you’re really doing when they ask “How are you?” and so on.)
  2. Get better at taking notes. Find a system that works for you (there’s no one-size-fits-all solution) and use it every day. If you don’t write things down, you’ll forget the majority of what you learn. Use spaced repetition to reinforce what you learn.
  3. Think about the political party or group you most identify with, and consider what you disagree with them about. Do the same for any religious affiliation, nationality, organization, and so on. You’ll never learn to think independently if you adopt a platform without scrutinizing it.
  4. Your memory of the thing that happened is different from the thing itself. This is known as memory bias (there are actually many different kinds) and all of us are susceptible to it. One of the ones I think about a lot is the peak-end rule: we remember the intense part of an experience the most and tend to discount everything else, even if the other parts were far more typical.
  5. Stop trying to be “balanced.” Balanced people don’t change the world, nor are they particularly interesting. Be yourself, embrace the highs and lows, live a little.
  6. Know the difference between what you can control and what you can’t. (Hint: most things you can’t.) If you’re able to stop worrying about things you can’t control, this practice can remove a great deal of worries!
  7. Identify small purchases that make you happy, and don’t feel guilty about spending money on them. Ignore financial experts who tell you to save by not buying coffee or minor indulgences. Those purchases are not going to make a difference in your longterm financial goals, but they can have an impact on your immediate happiness.
  8. When it comes to lifestyle improvements that cost money (homes, cars, etc.), quit while you’re ahead. Some improvements are helpful, but before long you start pursuing them out of habit. In fact, that’s a warning sign: when you start to want something despite a lack of evidence that it will make your life better. Beware!
  9. Understand the principle of loss aversion: We tend to fear losses more than we desire gains. Keep it in mind when considering different options and risks. Sometimes the most dangerous thing you can do is play it safe.
  10. When struggling with a decision, consider each outcome and see how it physically feels. This is a learned practice, and one that I was unable to do for many years. An early therapist kept asking me to describe events and would ask, “How does this make you feel in your body?” and I always gave an intellectual answer. The goal is to find the somatic sensation.
  11. Trying to please someone with continually changing expectations is a surefire way to feel anxious all the time. Also, what doesn’t kill you will probably try to kill you again.
  12. Practice selfish generosity: being a good human tends to lead to you being happier. Do something nice for someone every day. Vary the people you choose and the “something nice.”
  13. Use tools to help you learn new things every day. Example: I used to think book summaries were dumb, and then I decided to actually try them, especially for topics in the sciences that I had little knowledge of. All of a sudden, I found myself learning a lot in a short period of time! Now I have several apps available to learn something wherever I am.
      Castbox | Blinkist | Curiosity Stream | Coursera | edX | Udemy
  14. Avoid activities you pursue entirely for the sake of status or prestige. This will be your downfall–or at least it will leave you feeling discouraged.
  15. Relationships have a whole set of unspoken norms and patterns as well. Notice them! What does your partner need? Who do you know that would benefit from you checking in?
  16. Some people are naturally uplifting and fun to be around. Spend more time with them, and less with people who are negative and discouraging.
  17. Exercise isn’t always enjoyable, but feeling strong and healthy is. When you’re trying to decide if you should work out, think about how you’ll feel after it’s over. I put my running clothes out the night before I run. If I’m traveling, I unpack my shoes and put them by the door as soon as I check-in. Make it easy!
  18. Comparison is the cornerstone of misery. To be less miserable, and maybe even happier, avoid comparing yourself to someone else.
  19. Be careful about watching any TV series longer than one season. If you really love it—keep going! If it’s not at least a 9 out of 10, stop. As the saying goes, there are always more streaming services in the sea … or at least, online.
  20. Make a list of what you know to be true. Update the list once in a while as your beliefs evolve.
  21. Stick to a schedule most days, and once in a while, break it entirely. Both are critical to success. Some of the most ambitious people live the most boring lives—they know what they need to do, so they keep their head down and focus on that. But if you do that all the time, you risk becoming stagnant and stuck in your ways. (Yes, this is one place where balance is needed.)
  22. Serendipity is luck + action. To be luckier, take more active action. Walk wherever you can. Take the stairs. When you have ideas, turn them into action steps and get to work.
  23. There is almost always more than one way to accomplish something. Often the alternative options are easier, quicker, cheaper, or just better.
  24. Walking away from a bad situation is always an option. If you don’t like something as much as you thought, don’t be afraid to change your mind. Ignore sunk costs! Real winners quit all the time.
  25. Some people enjoy setting and enforcing limits for no good reason other than protecting their own power. Do whatever you can to dismantle these limits, both for yourself and for others.
  26. Try to build relationships on shared values more than shared beliefs. Are you in a bubble that consists only of people with the same political and social beliefs? Quick test: if you can’t think of many people close to you who disagree on serious issues, you’re in a bubble.
  27. Never get your news from Facebook. (Extra credit: stop using Facebook entirely.)
  28. Successful people use systems, but the systems they use tend to vary. You don’t necessarily need to get up early, meditate for ten minutes a day, avoid checking email in the morning, or whatever else the productivity trend is. You do need to figure out how you do your best work, and then make any changes you can to support those conditions.
  29. Try to remember that everyone has experienced trauma and heartache of some kind—or if they’ve been fortunate to avoid it until now, sooner or later it will find them. Keep this in mind when dealing with people you find annoying.
  30. Learn to develop your emotional intelligence. Self-awareness and empathy are not innate talents!
  31. When you find yourself in an entrenched conflict, ask yourself, “Do you want to be right or do you want to be free?” Choose only one. Also: the first rule of negotiation is that whoever cares more loses. If you’re willing to walk, you’re always in a stronger position.
  32. Without getting too serious about it, take personality tests to gain quick and useful insight about yourself. Chances are, you’ll learn something even if it’s not the most scientific process. A few of the classics: Four Tendencies | Sparketype | Myers Briggs | Enneagram | Five Love Languages
  33. Understand the role that ego plays in your life. Don’t try to subvert it, try to identify when it’s leading you into bad decisions. Ego is the enemy!
  34. You will generally be happier if you don’t try to change for other people or expect other people to change for you. Most people do one or the other, and are therefore frequently disappointed.
  35. Thinking through survival scenarios helps you get stronger. These can take on a range of situations: being stranded in the wilderness, or losing your job and savings account at the same time. What would you do if…?
  36. Kindness is vastly underrated. Everyone can be kind—it requires no special skill or training, yet has an immediate, positive impact. It is perhaps the ultimate life hack.

  

  This is what it comes down to:

  • There is always something you can learn.
  • There is always something you can do.
  • There is always a way to be kind.

  Learning makes you better, active choices help you live differently, and being kind can brighten someone’s day while helping you feel better at the same time.

  When in doubt, consider those three possibilities and decide what to do next.

• ask, and yea shall receive

  

  I reread my last post, and the end sentence is what jumped out at me…IF I can leave. When I spoke to my school here, and they asked if I will stay when my contract ends, I said the same thing to them. If I can leave, I will. As I walked home that day, I realized that was the wrong mentality and wrong way of speaking.

  I asked God for a sign, should I stay? Should I go? And April gave me the sign that I needed. I won’t go into detail, but it was rather clear. Time to go. I had this, “What if I go, and this happens…” Well, I know now that won’t happen. Again, speaking in code because it is personal. But I went back to my school the same day, and said I cannot have that mentality and cannot speak that way. WHEN I can leave. I will go. The thought of staying here six more months brought panic to my heart, especially after receiving my sign. I am leaving.

  And time is drawing closer. I had wanted to return to the US first before going to Europe, but I realized I am not ready for the US yet. Nor, do I have the time. I miss my family terribly, but I cannot go back just to travel three corners of the US and expose myself to so many strangers and then risk not being able to get into Europe on time. I am leaving a Level One country. I have been isolated on an island with only 188 cases of COVID, only one death and all but seven have recovered. The US has to wait until next year.

  I have purchased a guide book for walking the Camino and the best time to walk is Fall and Spring. I must walk it this year, the year of my big 5-0 birthday, and the year I have closed out my monumental time in China. I cannot wait for Spring. So, I must do it in the Fall, before Winter hits. Otherwise, heavier clothes, more things to keep warm to carry and buy and I don’t want to do that.

  So, I have decided to leave here end of August, fly into Europe. Find a small town in Eastern Europe near the sea with as little people as possible and keep to my self for September and train for the walk. However, this is all contingent on June, to see when Spain and France open up. The rumors that they will open then are strong, so I am hoping so! As well as the Camino being open. Yes, that will mean being around people, but odds are not many will be doing it anyways. From the statistics, the only people who did it in 2020 were the Spaniards mainly. But, I am very hopeful! Because I feel it is meant to be.

  Right now, I have begun the challenge to prepare. For the last four weeks, I have been exercising twice a day. I have revamped and have been sticking strictly to my diet. Actually, I have been fasting for the last week and only eating once a day, after my evening/after work workout…I do eat a couple hard-boiled eggs at lunch though. No cheat meals. No alcohol has been in my system, and I feel better than I have felt for a long time! Never think I am actually 50, and I still cannot believe it myself.

  This is my news. This is what I feel strongly in my heart of hearts is what I am meant to do. And next month, I will start the serious preparation…book a flight, and a place to stay in September. Time seems to be flying by since I have decided to leave, and I am getting nervous and anxious for the next steps! But that has always told me, I am going in the right direction. Ask and you shall receive!

• changes

  

  I have not posted a lot being in China. Merely because I have gone through so many changes in 52 different ways. Being in China has taken me so far out of my element, sometimes I cannot even put it into words what I have gone through!

  I never imagined China to begin with, because of the language. Teaching English at a beautiful kindergarten, with beautiful kids, I do seem to be able to ‘absorb’ words and things even here.

  My attention to detail still amazes me, believing in Saints, Signs and Signals and that God is talking to us always. I’ve come to a place where I am understanding this tonal language even though I can never speak it – the kids show me, I can understand it.

  But, I came here to learn to teach so I can do it online. I came to pay off my credit card (done) and save up to be able to purchase cheap real estate in Greece (not done). Why Greece?

  Maybe past lives, but I have always been drawn to Greece, Crete and Egypt, and that whole entire area. I felt such peace and family while spending almost three months in Israel.

  Here in China, everything has been so foreign to me, and unfamiliar but I love diversity and change. But my ultimate goals of a vlog on travel and cooking do not mesh here. Greece has the best food supply and bans GMO’s, so that is why my eye has always been there.

  I thought to stay here one more year, to continue to save money for Greece. But shit happens. Someone so incredibly dear to me in my family has had health issues for the last decade and a half. I came fearing that something might happen to him while I was gone, and my chance to see him was the last time before leaving. And 2020 provided more issues, and a huge loss, and now it has elevated even more to a situation I was afraid of.

  I don’t think another year here will be possible, because my family is much more important. I go through such a mental dumping process at the end of each year, and I am praying to God for guidance and the answers.

  I will miss the people I have met here profusely, but I never intended to stay longer than I have already planned. But, I never expected a worldwide pandemic to break out to put life on hold. I’ve drunk too much, smoked too much, and eaten too much. Time to get life back on track.

  What I am trying to say here, albeit quite without life or character in this writing, is that I am done. I am craving change and wish to move on. Is this in store for me? Only time and God will tell!

  We shall see when summer comes, my contract ends, and if I can leave. I have already had a new online objective/change come my way I am pursuing that seems viable. I will work diligently on all fronts to prepare to jump and seek new pastures.

• friends along the way

  

  I have not posted in so long. It hasn’t been easy here, and I have had so much to occupy my mind mentally that posting got neglected. Posting on your blog can be like planning out a paper for a class. I guess I was in school for so long, that is how it has become. That makes me sad.

  I have been here for a while. I have grown and changed in ways that I cannot even begin to describe. From the start, until now…those who have crossed my path and made me who I am constantly becoming. And this virus, being in lockdown in a country so foreign, by yourself…. is another blog post I will eventually write. I still cannot put into words what it has been like, being here, having that experience. What I can talk about, the most important thing in my book, that makes your experience, are those people you walk with.

  The people who have changed me made me even better, made my walk with God even stronger, have all been “foreigners”. Sure, first and foremost, it has been the Chinese way and culture. Just walking on the roads here is a game of Frogger and Chicken with the way they drive, and the number of scooters everywhere. I was hit from behind the other day. Standing on my bike at a red light, with a bright pink shirt on, going to meet my friends for a bike ride, and a woman on a scooter rammed into the back of me. I stood strong on the bike, with the WTH feeling, only to look back and see a woman on the ground, with her e-bike on top of her.

  

  I set my bike down and proceeded to help her up. You see, they drive and look at their cell phones here, with copious amounts of people on the road. No sense of right-of-way and they constantly cut you off, rather than go behind you. I helped her up, and her bike. After a few sentences she couldn’t understand of WTF are you doing lady, she waved me off. Then? She got on her bike and rode away. I was a bit traumatized. My bike was fucked. She rammed into the gears, and the chain was off.

  I immediately called my Chinese friend I was meeting for the bike ride. We spent the morning driving to and from bike shops to get it repaired. I was a nervous wreck.

  But I picked my arse back up and I rode. My foreign friends and Young (the Chinese man) helped me. These are my people here. Travelers who go to distant lands and decide to uproot themselves into foreign countries, reach out to others to help.

  

  Why do I mention this here? Because it has been different. Traveling in Europe and other countries, foreigners tend to go to the resorts and touristy areas. I have always avoided them because I am a hostel lover, a couch surfer, an off-the-beaten-path traveler.

  Here, it is different. Foreigners are not posh. We have banded together and formed a community while still immersed in a culture that is still so foreign. Yet, it is a culture unlike any other. Sure, they piss and spit on the streets. They eat the swill of the animals. But I have learned more here than ever before.

  

  My foreign friends are from America, the UK, Serbia, Philippines, Ukraine, Russia, South Africa, Korea, Austria, Czech Republic, Norway, Colombia, Poland, Portugal, Ecuador, Australia, Sweden, Ireland, Turkey, India, Morrocco, Germany, Canada, and of course China. I would not trade them for anything. I would not trade this experience for anything.

  As Bourdain said, traveling changes you. I am more in love with traveling than ever. I am more in love with the friends I have made here than ever. I would never have survived without them. I would never have survived without Chimac, a western-themed restaurant, like the Cheers of Haikou.

  Everything has changed for me. Lockdown changed me in 1,000 different ways. I still have my goals for Europe, but right now it brings tears to my eyes thinking of leaving here and the community I have become a huge part of. It isn’t like a westernized version of China. We are on an island. We take care of each other. We care about each other. And we help each other survive. I am so in love with all of my people here. We survived the virus, and I feel safer here than I would anywhere else in the world.

  We have become a great family here. I love my people! I am happy to stay here a little longer, and experience life here. I have seen nothing yet of China, except, I have experienced so much of the Chinese culture.

  I will post more soon and more pictures.

  

• jupiter returns

  

  My sweet co-worker from Norway – who happens to share the same birthday as me, and her and her beau have been so monumental at helping me stay focused positively – shared an astrological event that I had never heard of. Jupiter returns.

  Jupiter is the biggest planet in our system. It is also the King of the Gods. Jupiter transits in our lives in 12-year cycles. When it returns, it is a time of monumental growth and abundance. If not welcomed wisely, however, it can cause overabundance and over indulgences in whatever you are doing. Don’t take advantage of the gift horse or it will bite you.

  Before Jupiter returns, it can be a HUGE time of upheaval. The breaking down of the old to welcome new possibilities. It can feel like a train wreck before it gets back to your natal position.

  Jupiter brings ‘gifts’. I won’t use the word luck because I don’t believe in luck. Your life is what you make of it. Living in Gratitude brings gifts. Jupiter inspires growth, expansion, and new horizons.

  Right now, I am smack dab in the middle of Jupiter returning! Anyone going into their 48th year will also experience this. I look back at the 12-year cycles of my life, and monumental things happened then! Things that changed me in profound ways. And I know this journey is doing just that.

  I also know what brought me to this point. A huge clearing of old thinking, old structures, old ways. I had to let go of things and people as I embarked. I have also lost 65 pounds of old junk! And I am experiencing things I have not in YEARS! And God is giving me gifts beyond my belief in them. I am changing, growing, and will be forever new after this journey here in China.

  This is part of the reason I am remaining quiet, and you don’t hear from me a lot. I am going through SOOOOOO much!

  So rest assured, if you are going into your 48th year, you are about to embark on Jupiter’s return. And good things are coming. Be open, be aware, and know there is a light at the end of whatever tunnel you are in.

• my road to china

  

  Oksana (Russia), Dagrun (Norway), Lukas (Czek), Janet (China HR), Alice Principal (China) Olive – EC (China) Me, Vlad (Russia) Mfundo (South Africa), Phillip (Austria) Carlos (Columbia) and Cathy in front (Madagascar)

  This journey has been anything but easy. And boy, I sure continue to give myself the doozies. I shook my hands at my leader last year and said, “I am too old for these kinds of lessons!” and I guess I opened some flood gates.

  Being on a spiritual path, you are never too old for lessons. They continue. It is like letting a genie out of a bottle, you can’t put her back. God continues to lead you towards your goals.

  Since the scam artist, I have realized so many things about myself. I guess this is par for the course when I have been, since January, having my coffee with my fur-babies and watching Joyce Meyers. Yes, she is a Christian minister, but I needed something. Something positive and uplifting. Not to sound repetitive.

  Having a good attitude no matter what God brings me. Keeping positive in the mountains AND the valleys. And if I haven’t damn well accomplished this on the journey to China, my name is Rumplestiltskin.

  I started this post explaining all that has happened to me to get here. But what I realized when I got here, my brain continued to expect the worst, and the lessons in patience continued. I had to put a stop to it, so I don’t want to focus on the negative. It has been a great deal, including being put on an airplane back to LAX because they wouldn’t let me through in Shanghai. Or my documents from the Chinese Embassy being sent by FedEx to the first town the hurricane hit, THE DAY of the hurricane touched down on land!

  But I am here now. And I am focused on the goals at hand. I came here for several reasons. With the learning experience of teaching in China, I will be able to teach anywhere in the world. It wasn’t something I initially wanted to do, but I am in debt because of last year and I need to pay it off and start saving again. I wasn’t finding freelance work that paid enough to get out of debt.

  I also realized, after working for two decades to get a degree and a job that I can work from home – freelance writing and editing, I can’t do it as a ‘living’. When you start putting a necessary price tag on a creative venture, it takes away the magic and abilities to produce anything of substance. I kick and scream not to do it, and I distract so easily for many reasons. It needs to be a side venture. I need something else to pay the bills. 

  I asked God what would do that, and the teaching in China showed up again. It showed up when I was working at SFSU many moons ago. But I did not have a BA then. I do now. But, I also thought, with my strong beliefs, I could not come to China because I did not agree with their government. And again, Joyce showed me something different.

  I am a journalist, for Pete’s sake! You cannot expect to make a difference in something you avoid. Joyce has been in China, supplying the underground Christian movement with materials to spread the word of God. I won’t do anything illegal, but I have to come and report my experiences here. I cannot avoid what I don’t agree with. As a journalist, I have to hit it head-on.  She was instrumental in changing my perspective about things I disagree with.

  I also have parts of me, that I cannot go into great detail about yet, that need the structure of a real job. So this is great. I will get the experience, and then I can find jobs worldwide to teach. I don’t agree with spreading English all over the globe, because I love diversity. But it IS the language of business, and commerce so there is no reason why I can’t get on with that aspect. That won’t change. So I will have a job anywhere. It will allow me to pay off my debt, save for the future, and have a job anywhere after this.

  The next reason I came here, is to really dive into and focus on the path I started this year in America with the changes in ME. With Christine, I totally realized I have NO boundaries. I do everything I can to help others, sacrificing myself along the way. I always knew this about myself, but I didn’t mind because others’ karma is not my concern. Only mine. But not having any boundaries is another mess altogether. It is MUCH bigger than I thought.

  I go along with what everyone says. I don’t need to argue my truth. I never stand up for myself. I don’t share deep and personal details about myself with friends who don’t believe in what I believe in. I would do anything for those I love. But this transfers out into the world, and strangers take advantage of me, and Heather gets sacrificed.

  No more. In order for it to stop on a grander scale, it has to stop with everyone. I have to learn to say no without guilt. I have to stand up for myself. I have to be ME 100% – even if others don’t believe in ME. It hasn’t been easy.

  Long-time friends are used to me being a certain way, and change is hard for some. I’ve had to push away some people I love and care about while I am on this part of my journey, because I have to be me without push-back of any kind. I’d hoped for understanding, but I am hardly receiving it. However, this time…I have to be true to myself even if it means betraying others. I hope someday they understand.

  This is what I have to do now, so no more Christines bite me in the ass. I have to take this time to get stronger, to be me in every fiber of my being. There are parts of me that have been brewing and cultivating since I was 15, and the only people I could share these things with were my sister and my grams – both of them gone. It is a very lonely existence when you have aspects of yourself that would scare others off, so you keep them hidden and hidden and don’t allow them out.

  But they keep knocking and knocking, and at some point, you have to let them out. I can say I am a Highly Sensitive Person, and I am an Empath, to put a few labels on me. I hate labels. They make things scarier and bigger than they are. But those are two. You can google that.

  But I am also tuned into realms that would scare the hell out of most people. It scares the hell out of me, which is what I have banished for so so long. But it keeps knocking. The path keeps calling me. But it isn’t something you can google-search to find help with. But help I finally think I found, so I have to pursue this also this year, alone.

  I see when I am cut off from my native language, and thrust into a world of another language, it expands my brain and awareness in ways I can’t begin to describe without sounding bat-shit looney. And I may be! Haha. But it is Heather, and this time I have to answer the call. Doing it from here, I won’t have to worry about what others think until I am standing strong in my own reality.

  I’ve pushed most people away since coming here. But that is another realization of being an adventurer. I feel I have to chase others to get them to talk to me. Remind them of me, that I am still alive, just on the road. I don’t like that feeling, or doing it. I won’t do it anymore. If you love and care about me, you know how to get a hold of me. I am too old to go chasing others around and wasting my precious energy. As Tracy Chapman sang so eloquently.

  Another goal is my weight. I have lost almost 40 pounds on Keto and Intermittent Fasting, and I plan to kick that into overdrive. I have been patient with myself right now, because I am still adjusting and not sleeping well, and I have to get a mattress to remedy this. I’ve been on a tight food budget too until I have a regular salary. But I am prepped with exercise, videos, a yoga mat, and strength-training bands. I plan to leave here at my goal weight and with my goal body. Come the 31st, (I always start new Monday) I will have a schedule all planned out. I have done great so far!

  

  Me and Dagrun, Cathy, Lukas

  I am so happy to be here. I have made friends. I have the means to make everything happen for myself. It all feels so positive. My goal is for one year, but if I can manage it, I might do two years. That will build up my savings even more. I want to buy a small flat in Greece. I have to think about my future travels and goals. 

  God is making the way. I am just following. I don’t request a whole lot anymore. God knows I love the Mediterranean and asking to be there forever isn’t too much to ask. How I get there is up to God. So I jump without a net or question. I have been doing this for a while.

  There are spiritual folks out there that manifest their desires. I don’t. My faith in God is about taking what shows up from the universe. I am here as a result of that. I have the faith of a truckload of mustard seeds. I don’t need a physical bridge for it. I have been on this path since 16.

  But I want everyone to know, I love them dearly. This is nothing personal, this is me being selfish for the first time in my life because I have things to do. I have to be me. I love you so much, and I hope you will understand someday and forgive me for having to do this.

  When I arrived, I had to deal with the negative teacher I was taking classes over. Dagrun really really helped me to stay positive as a result. Her beau Lukas, they have been SOOO Helpful! Love everyone I have met. My sweet Janet has walked with me, and helped me SOOOO much! I can’t have done it without Janet.

• the focus that brings the greatest joy

  Since the madness I endured last year, I wanted to throw in the towel when the scammer laid us off. Realizing I had been had, for the umpteenth hundredth time, I gave up. I always know it is temporary, but I just couldn’t take any more after this one. 

  Why Joyce Meyer? 

  Being in the bible-belt of America, I needed something to help pull me out of my rubble. Low and behold, Joyce Meyer appeared on my brother’s TV one morning. She is a 72-year-old Christian minister who has been spreading the word of God for years. She is spry, direct, and knows her stuff. 

  I am not a big fan of organized religion. I don’t like people telling me how to believe in God and the universe. I don’t like fear as a tactic in doing so as well. I don’t appreciate those who don’t respect another’s beliefs in the world. I believe our path back towards God is very personal. But it is our own, and for US to decide. 

  She, however, is different. As I sat watching her one day, she looked straight at the camera and said (paraphrasing) “Maybe someone out there needs to hear this. Maybe you have had another big lesson, and you want to give up and can’t see through the fight. I promise you, you will get through it. God will give you your promotion.” 

  

  We can’t have any kind of spiritual growth if everything is roses and butterflies. We can’t know our faith in God when things are smooth sailing. It is about your attitude and how you react. BUT, she threw me a rope and I took it. I have taped her show since then, and I sit and watch them every morning now. 

  She IS the closest thing to my spiritual beliefs, but with ‘religious labels’. She talks about love, joy, happiness, and being positive in your approach. She doesn’t use hell, fire, and brimstone to get you to believe OR fear. But slowly, she got me back up and upright. She also taught me MANY things and has made me look at things from different angles. 

  You see, she was sexually molested by her own father for most of her young life. Her mother knew and did nothing. She overcame this, she forgave them and took care of them the last 12 years of their lives. 

  When she started her ministry, it was 40-something years ago. Women did not preach then. But she felt very strongly it was her calling. They even tried her husband doing the preaching. Not his role in this life. In order to fulfill the calling she felt was in her heart, she was actually kicked out of the church she had been a part of for years because she wouldn’t stop what she felt God called her to do. She lost many friends, and still continued to study, preach and raise her family. 

  I see what she has accomplished, and I wouldn’t hear anyone else preach to me about God other than her. Would you rather have rainbows or circumcisions? 🙂 

  I saw this sermon these last couple of days and I had to share it. Why? Because it hit home. I spent so many years without any self-esteem. I was a kicked dog. I got teased and bullied so much growing up. I did not even know who I was until I was about to turn 30. I knew who I wasn’t by way of bad relationships. I also know many of my friends suffer from self-esteem issues. We travel in packs, Haha. 

  And I know it begins at home. We need to have a wonderful and loving relationship with ourselves FIRST before we can with others. But we need to love ourselves. And realize we are divine creatures and there is nothing wrong with us. And worrying about what others think, IS the biggest waste of energy EVER. 

• fathead pizza crust and the headbanger’s kitchen

  On my new Ketogenic way of eating, I am constantly scouring the internet for recipes without carbs or sugar. There are a lot out there, but sometimes they all seem the same and I want something more.

  When the hormones are high (HH) I wanted something. ANYTHING. But sugar. I want bread and tortillas. Of course, many Keto recipes require some funky stuff I cannot find in the south. Psyllium Husks and Xanthem Gum are two. 

  And then I found this guy. He has tried it all in terms of diets.  And he is from India! He has some great different recipes for Keto and his own YouTube channel. AND he is a musician!

  So we had pizza made this way. No cauliflower substitutes. Not that it isn’t good. But, I’d had enough of them!

  It was actually quite good. But not something I would eat on a regular basis. RICH. Put veggies on top and go light on any more cheese.

  I am really trying not to use carb substitutes or sugar substitutes too much. But occasionally, you got to!

• change, the control factor, and being selfish

  At a certain age, you’d think the lessons would get easier. The latest huge lesson of being scammed and taken advantage of was the mother of all lessons. I realized, in hindsight, this was necessary. 

  In my 47 years on this planet, I have a belief system of helping and serving God unconditionally. I never cared about being taken advantage of. That is their karma – not mine.

  Now, I am realizing at 47, I don’t even set personal boundaries with those around me. I have always lived and let live. Even those close to me. I would drop everything and give the shirt off my back. And yet, with Christine, this was probably the 4th time that I have helped in ways that have cost me THOUSANDS. The tap is more than dry.

  So No More, For Anyone

  

  I am a highly sensitive person. I used to always take that personally when someone would say that about me. I am passionate! However, today, I realize the definition of highly sensitive means much more. I am also what is called an Empath. Well, there is more to me than that, but don’t want to scare folks off. 

  What it means is, I am highly influenced by everyone else’s energy, issues, problems, anything. Even from a distance, I can tune into it. I haven’t the skills yet to learn to shut it out or down. Nor do I want to. So I am having to shut it OUT until I can learn more and get stronger in my own feet and energy space. 

  Right now, I am in between a rock and a hard place. I am still very much in the red financially, breaking ‘even’ but still so far in the hole. I can’t help anyone right now, I have to focus on my own path, my own dreams, and my own stuff. This is hard for some people close to me to understand.

  I’ve explained it nicely, but some just don’t get it. You teach people how to treat you and after 20-30 years of Heather being a certain way, it is hard to ‘reteach’ some people. So, I step back and focus on myself. 

  A New Dream in Progress

  

  I am currently searching for new opportunities to help myself and make my dreams come true again. I have been in the United States TOOO long. I am getting antsy for my own space and focusing on some things I haven’t done yet insofar as my path is concerned. What I came into this life to accomplish. Many many things.

  I will be stepping back and holding back from most of everyone. I get toooo distracted. I actually feel GUILTY if I can’t help someone.

  I also realize I am slightly ADD/ADHD – just now saying that out loud. My mom told me years ago I was a hyperactive child they wanted on Ritalin. JUST NOW realizing what that means to me personally and seeing it. 

  What It All Means

  I have another plan and I am putting it into motion. I can’t talk about it until it happens. I never like to jinx things where my goals, dreams, and plans are concerned until they are paved out. I asked for the path to appear, and it was clear. Something I had wanted to do that I forgot about.

  My diet is going well too! I have lost 30 pounds, almost two sizes, and at least 2-3 inches off everything. It is harder to fast during the high-hormone time – but I have managed to stay away from carbs and sugar. I am well along the way, once these HHs subside.

  Right now, I am just working through a lot. I have to keep my walls up. I see great things to come and feel God and the Universe are preparing the way for my ‘promotion’. And I will do whatever it takes to make it happen, including being selfish for the first time in my life and just taking care of ME.

  

• the magazine – almost fearless and Christine Gilbert

  

  Updated Post 2022 – More Added

  I hadn’t been public about this too much because I still believed that crazy scammer would someday pay me. Then, after sending her my invoice for my work last year every month since she let us go, she canceled my invoice request through PayPal. This, to me, was a blatant and strong slap in the face. It was merely implied before but now it is personal. SO, this is what I think about Christine and Drew Gilbert and their scam, Almost Fearless, Blog Brilliantly, WeCreate, Build Your Thriving Blog, and whatever brand she creates for her new scam. Unfortunately, I will not allow her to do this again and will try and spread the news to everyone else. 

  https://medium.com/@hedykay_60346/be-fearless-with-the-baiters-of-life-a026016e559e

  be fearless with the BAITERs of life

  In 2017, I believed my career was finally taking off when I was accepted as an intern for a new travel magazine for parents, a start-up. Born from a 10-year-old blog called Almost Fearless, by a couple traveling. Christine Gilbert and her husband (An)Drew. They left corporate America a decade ago to travel the world and have babies along the way. I was so excited about the opportunity!

  Over a year later, only ONE issue of the magazine was printed and thousands and thousands of dollars in subscribers’ money disappeared. Writers have not been paid, the only ‘staff’ kept are owed money (me included) and the ‘free interns’ were responsible for most of the real work. Once our internship began to wind down and it came time to pay for positions, and print the magazine — the lies began. She and Drew were separating and he took off with all of the money. His timing was impeccable! Unfortunately, nothing but lies and part of her plan.

  Christine’s Schemes

  She creates courses, sells them, and doesn’t finish the course. She advertises workshops around the world, then cancels the day of and doesn’t refund anyone. The list of their money-making scams is LONG. Basically, she has done this in every business collaboration she has worked on. Sells, sells, sells…then halfway through, she disappears with the money and content.

  The woman continued her marketing campaign of selling the same content (the magazine and guidebooks) until the very last moment. She advertised the same content (plus more enticements) for over a year. It didn’t exist and won’t ever. I also see many of her ‘great ideas’ are stolen from other travel bloggers. She just slaps ‘for parents’ on the title and calls it a day.

  The Aftermath of Christine’s Scam

  I have gone through a range of angry emotions. The red flags that I ignored collected into a huge sleeping dragon. Once the four of us remaining as staff were tossed aside after our usefulness wore out, and she got what freebies she could out of us, the sleeping dragon started to wake. Trying to make peace with how I could be so blind and stupid is hard to reconcile. But the dragon wasn’t alone.

  After shaking my fists at the heavens and throwing in the towel (again), I’ve looked to God and my faith for answers. Yet another test on the way to my promotion. I’ve never been one to force faith and belief systems on other people.

  However, after this experience with a couple younger than myself, self-proclaimed ‘atheists’, I realize it is easy for people without moral compasses to screw other people over without batting an eye. How people can take, take, and take some more. Victims who believe they deserve to sit on a pile of cash. They have no follow-through on any projects they take on. They rely on the kindness of others and take advantage of them.

  The Gilberts Lack Normal Function Skills

  One subscriber said they are probably borrowing from Peter to pay off Paul from their last scam. They claim the money ($100K-200K+ and this is on the cheap side of the subscription amounts) disappeared and they are broke. They can’t pay anyone for all their hard work! YET — they announced from the start they were boot-strapping the venture with their OWN funds for the first year.

  YET, they have nannies, maids, and tutors for their kids, and live in fancy condos. They keep the traveling going too! Tell me your sob story when you are so broke that you cannot eat in order to feed your kids (my mom has done this).

  

  This isn’t the first time I have allowed someone to take advantage of me, in an attempt to ‘help’ them. I fall for the sad stories, and allow them to manipulate me to help. I have always tried to serve and help others, according to God. I never cared about others’ actions, that is THEIR karma.

  What are BAITERS?

  But the buck stops here. My friend (who is on the outside looking in and sees this manipulation) caught a Life Class of Oprah with Dr. Phil. I don’t care what other people think of him. He knows his stuff! He calls these spades “BAITERs”:

  Backstabbers, Abusers, Imposters, Takers, Exploiters, Reckless

  And these are the Evil 8 Traits these people have:

  -Arrogant entitlement

  -Lack of empathy

  -No remorse or guilt

  -Irresponsible and self-destructive

  -Thrive on drama

  -Brag about outsmarting people

  -Short-term relationships

  -Live in a FANTASY world, delusional

  Dr. Phil says quite clearly: You missed the clues! I always give people the benefit of the doubt. I see the goodness in all and believe it is what we are hard-wired with. I won’t change this ideal I have.

  Almost Fearless…NOT

  I, also, cannot afford to do it anymore. Emotionally or financially. Why? Because I can’t invest more than I can afford to lose. I have nothing more to lose. Game over!

  Don’t be #AlmostFearless with these kinds of special folks who have no morals. Be Fearless. Stand up and speak out.

  We have been unable to get the authority’s attention on the matter. PLEASE share this post with everyone you know to get the word out!!

  It looks like she is resurfacing under the name of Emma Decos (@emmadecos), on Twitter and Tiktok. She calls herself a writer, lesbian, and journalist.

• roll away the stone

  It’s been a while again! Unfortunately, my need to pay the bills always wins over my desire to blog regularly. I journal daily, but I can’t tap anyone into that!

  The new style of eating has taken its hold in me! It has been a rough road, I have never given up carbs in my life. I just limited them to healthy ones. But it isn’t as bad as I expected at all. I did get a bit of the ‘keto flu’ – waves of nausea, weird aches, sleeplessness. But the hunger from fat isn’t anything close to the hunger from carbs/sugar. You just can’t satiate the sugar as you can fat. I’ve lost hunger in four to five bites of food.  I don’t eat until I am full. I eat until I can feel the hunger go away. Then I stop since the stomach takes 20 minutes to register it’s full. 

  It doesn’t matter, because it is working and worth it! I have lost over 15 pounds since I started. That is six+ weeks without carbs, 7+ weeks without sugar, no alcohol in months and I’ve lost inches off all body parts. Except, always…the waist. I’ve got a plan for that. Thank you 1990’s! But my clothes are much looser, and I feel great! I can see it in my face really, and I don’t normally ever see a slimmer me. Only chubbo.

  I’ve managed several ‘overnight fasts’ during my Intermittent Fasting schedule. I am now down to a 5-hour eating window, with 19 hours fasting. I lose the hunger quickly and stop eating. I exercise in a fasted-state and can push my arse soooooo much further and harder now. 

  

  An overnight fast is easy when you keep busy. It is technically for 41 hours, but much is sleep. I did it twice in one week. That is until the hormone fairy hit, she brought her cousin hungry and all bets were off. I started eating OMAD (one meal a day) on the days I was trying to overnight fast instead. Once the hormones level, I will try the overnighters again.

  If you keep it within a short eating window, with no carbs, you can get your body back into a fasted state quicker. I was told sometimes it takes a few months to become fully fat-adapted, but I can really feel changes happening to my body. I could buy ketone strips and at least see if my body is in ketosis. It doesn’t mean, yet, that you are turning to stored fat for fuel, but signaling to the body to use fat instead. It is tweakable and flexible in how you do it.

  I have not cheated or broken down once since, except for the coffee. I always said I could never give it up. And I tried! Two weeks, I tried cold green tea. They even had flavored! Swamp water tastes better cold. One morning, the five pups and I got up at 7 am to snuggle on the couch with Joyce Meyer and drink my swamp water and the next thing I know, my head slumps over and we passed out for two more hours! Morning shot. Give me the JOE. I don’t have time for those shenanigans.

  I believe I am up to almost five miles a day powerwalking! I say believe because I cannot really depend on my $4 step counter from Walmart. So, I took several readings and chose the average of them. I bought another cheap one from China, see if it is any better. But I can’t tell you how I can push it further and further. I don’t stop as much and feel stronger.

  My nails are also stronger and longer than they have ever been.

  

  I recorded a ‘Day One’ vlog as well. I am on a mission to get my confidence back and charge ahead. I don’t like cameras because I don’t like my looks. I’ve made peace with them, it is genetic and I love my family’s looks. Mine no. But, I want to get over that. I want to share some action on my adventures too. And I am not seeing a lot of folks going through the transformation but rather discussing it afterward. I will record, but not sure about sharing. We shall see. Yes, I have a YouTube channel. I’ve been on YouTube before they were popular. 😀

  Ketogenic works. Intermittent Fasting works. I can’t tell you, as usual. I am trying to show you. I should be, by next week, to a class of weight I haven’t seen since my thirties. If that doesn’t tell you? Nothing will.

  Here is this guy that I found on YouTube. Unfortunately, I don’t have time for 15-30-45 minute videos. His are usually under 10 and he gets to the point. He knows IF very well. Of course, please like him if you like! And subscribe if you want further information.

  Also, everything I am doing is not digging me out of the financial hole I got myself into. So, I have moved onto Plan D. I didn’t want to do it this way, but the universe is prompting me in this direction. My instincts are singing that this is good, and I am getting excited. But I can’t tell you until it is set in stone. But, it is HAPPENING, and in faraway places.

  When Jesus arrived at the tomb where Lazarus lay after he passed, he told the people to ‘roll away the stone’ of the entrance. If Jesus was there to resurrect Lazarus, why didn’t he just remove the stone himself? Because God wants us to do what we can do, and God will do what we can’t!

• the little soul and the sun parable

  

  Since I am currently DETOXING from carbs and sugar, switching my body over (giving fat-adaptation a WHOLE month, because I am tweaking as I go…). I am experiencing withdrawals this week – thank God for the holiday because the brain is foggy and mushy. I’ve decided to give up coffee temporarily too (which I have not lived without in 30+ years!) so! I will be posting things that don’t require a lot of brainpower right now. 🙂 I am in major military training ;0).

  This parable was from Conversations with God, Book 1 and it really affected me. It still brings tears to my eyes. It was something I shared with others to give them a glimpse into ‘this world’. I thought I would share it today as an old friend reminded me of it. 

  The Little Soul and the Sun

  Once upon no time, there was a little Soul who said to God, “I know who I am.”

  And God said, “That’s wonderful! Who are you?”

  And the Little Soul shouted, “I’m the Light!”

  God smiled a big smile. “That’s right!” God exclaimed. “You are the Light.”

  The Little Soul was so happy, for it had figured out what all the souls in the Kingdom were there to figure out.

  “Wow,” said the Little Soul, “this is really cool!”

  But soon, knowing who it was was not enough. The Little Soul felt stirrings inside and now wanted to be who it was. And so the Little Soul went back to God (which is not a bad idea for all souls who want to be Who They Really Are) and said,

  “Hi, God! Now that I know Who I am, is it okay for me to be it?”

  And God said, “You mean you want to be Who You Already Are?”

  “Well,” replied the Little Soul,” it’s one thing to know Who I Am, and another thing altogether to actually be it. I want to feel what it’s like to be the Light!”

  “But you already are the Light,” God repeated, smiling again.

  “Yes, but I want to see what that feels like!” cried the Little Soul.

  “Well,” said God with a chuckle, “I suppose I should have known. You always were the adventuresome one.”

  Then God’s expression changed. “There’s only one thing…”

  “What?” asked the Little Soul.

  “Well, there is nothing else but the Light. You see, I created nothing but what you are; and so, there is no easy way for you to experience yourself as Who You Are since there is nothing that you are not.”

  “Huh?” said the Little Soul, who was now a little confused.

  “Think of it this way,” said God. “You are like a candle in the Sun. Oh, you’re there all right. Along with a million, gazillion other candles who make up the Sun. And the sun would not be the Sun without you. Nay, it would be a sun without one of its candles…and that would not be the Sun at all; for it would not shine as brightly. Yet, how to know yourself as the Light when you are amidst the Light -that is the question.”

  “Well,” the Little Soul perked up, “you’re God. Think of something!”

  Once more God smiled. “I already have,” God said. “Since you cannot see yourself as the Light when you are in the Light, we’ll surround you with darkness.”

  “What’s darkness?” the Little Soul asked.

  God replied, “It is that which you are not.”

  “Will I be afraid of the dark?” cried the Little Soul.

  “Only if you choose to be,” God answered. “There is nothing, really, to be afraid of, unless you decide that there is. You see, we are making it all up. We are pretending.”

  “Oh,” said the Little Soul, and felt better already.

  Then God explained that, in order to experience anything at all, the exact opposite of it will appear. “It is a great gift,” God said, “because, without it, you could not know what anything is like. You could not know Warm without Cold, Up without Down, Fast without Slow. You could not know Left without Right, Here without There, Now without Then.”

  “And so,” God concluded, “when you are surrounded with darkness, do not shake your fist and raise your voice and curse the darkness. Rather be a Light unto the darkness, and don’t be mad about it. Then you will know Who You Really Are, and all others will know, too. Let your Light shine so that everyone will know how special you are!”

  “You mean it’s okay to let others see how special I am?” asked the Little Soul.

  “Of course!” God chuckled. “It’s very okay! But remember,’special’ does not mean ‘better.’ Everybody is special, each in their own way! Yet many others have forgotten that. They will see that it is okay for them to be special only when you see that it is okay for you to be special.”

  “Wow,” said the Little Soul, dancing and skipping and laughing and jumping with joy. “I can be as special as I want to be!”

  “Yes, and you can start right now,” said God, who was dancing and skipping and laughing right along with the Little Soul.

  “What part of special do you want to be?”

  “What part of special?” the Little Soul repeated. “I don’t understand.”
  “Well,” God explained, “being the Light is being special, and being special has a lot of parts to it. It is special to be kind. It is special to be gentle. It is special to be creative. It is special to be patient. Can you think of any other ways it is special to be?”

  The Little Soul sat quietly for a moment. “I can think of lots of ways to be special!” the Little Soul then exclaimed. “It is special to be helpful. It is special to be sharing. It is special to be friendly. It is special to be considerate of others!”
  “Yes!” God agreed, “and you can be all of those things, or any part of special you wish to be, at any moment. That’s what it means to be the Light.”

  “I know what I want to be, I know what I want to be!” the Little Soul announced with great excitement. “I want to be the part of special called ‘forgiving’. Isn’t it special to be forgiving?”
  “Oh, yes,” God assured the Little Soul. “That is very special.”

  “Okay,” said the Little Soul. “That’s what I want to be. I want to be forgiving. I want to experience myself as that.”
  “Good,” said God, “but there’s one thing you should know.”

  The Little Soul was becoming a bit impatient now. It always seemed as though there was some complication.
  “What is it?” the Little Soul sighed.

  “There is no one to forgive.”
  “No one?” The Little Soul could hardly believe what had been said.

  “No one!” God repeated. “Everything I have made is perfect. There is not a single soul in all creation less perfect than you. Look around you.”

  It was then that the Little Soul realized a large crowd had gathered. Souls had come from far and wide ~ from all over the Kingdom ~ for the word had gone forth that the Little Soul was having this extraordinary conversation with God, and everyone wanted to hear what they were saying. Looking at the countless other souls gathered there, the Little Soul had to agree. None appeared less wonderful, less magnificent, or less perfect than the Little Soul itself. Such was the wonder of the souls gathered around, and so bright was their Light, that the Little Soul could scarcely gaze upon them.

  “Who, then, to forgive?” asked God.
  “Boy, this is going to be no fun at all!” grumbled the Little Soul. “I wanted to experience myself as One Who Forgives. I wanted to know what that part of special felt like.”
  And the Little Soul learned what it must feel like to be sad. But just then a Friendly Soul stepped forward from the crowd.

  “Not to worry, Little Soul,” the Friendly Soul said, “I will help you.”
  “You will?” the Little Soul brightened. “But what can you do?”

  “Why, I can give you someone to forgive!”
  “You can?”

  “Certainly!” chirped the Friendly Soul. “I can come into your next lifetime and do something for you to forgive.”

  “But why? Why would you do that?” the Little Soul asked. “You, who are a Being of such utter perfection! You, who vibrate with such a speed that it creates a Light so bright that I can hardly gaze upon you! What could cause you to want to slow down your vibration to such a speed that your bright Light would become dark and dense? What could cause you ~ who are so light that you dance upon the stars and move through the Kingdom with the speed of your thought–to come into my life and make yourself so heavy that you could do this bad thing?”

  “Simple,” the Friendly Soul said. “I would do it because I love you.”
  The Little Soul seemed surprised at the answer.
  “Don’t be so amazed,” said the Friendly Soul, “you have done the same thing for me. Don’t you remember? Oh, we have danced together, you and I, many times. Through the eons and across all the ages have we danced. Across all time and in many places have we played together. You just don’t remember.”

  “We have both been All Of It. We have been the Up and the Down of it, the Left and the Right of it. We have been the Here and the There of it, the Now and the Then of it. We have been the male and the female, the good and the bad; we have both been the victim and the villain of it.”

  “Thus have we come together, you and I, many times before; each bringing to the other the exact and perfect opportunity to Express and to Experience Who We Really Are. And so,” the Friendly Soul explained further, “I will come into your next lifetime and be the ‘bad one’ this time. I will do something really terrible, and then you can experience yourself as the One Who Forgives.

  “But what will you do?” the Little Soul asked, just a little nervously, “that will be so terrible?”
  “Oh,” replied the Friendly Soul with a twinkle, “we’ll think of something.”
  Then the Friendly Soul seemed to turn serious, and said in a quiet voice, “You are right about one thing, you know.”

  “What is that?” the Little Soul wanted to know.
  “I will have to slow down my vibration and become very heavy to do this not-so-nice thing. I will have to pretend to be something very unlike myself. And so, I have but one favour to ask of you in return.”

  “Oh, anything, anything!” cried the Little Soul, and began to dance and sing, “I get to be forgiving, I get to be forgiving!”
  Then the Little Soul saw that the Friendly Soul was remaining very quiet.
  “What is it?” the Little Soul asked. “What can I do for you? You are such an angel to be willing to do this for me!”

  “Of course this Friendly Soul is an angel!” God interrupted. “Everyone is! Always remember: I have sent you nothing but angels.”
  And so the Little Soul wanted more than ever to grant the Friendly Soul’s request. “What can I do for you?” the Little Soul asked again.

  “In the moment that I strike you and smite you,” the Friendly Soul replied, “in the moment that I do the worst to you that you could possibly imagine ~ in that very moment…”
  “Yes?” the Little Soul interrupted, “yes…?”

  “Remember Who I Really Am.”

  “Oh, I will!” cried the Little Soul, “I promise! I will always remember you as I see you right here, right now!”

  “Good,” said the Friendly Soul, “because, you see, I will have been pretending so hard, I will have forgotten myself. And if you do not remember me as I really am, I may not be able to remember for a very long time. And if I forget Who I Am, you may even forget Who You Are, and we will both be lost. Then we will need another soul to come along and remind us both of Who We Are.”
  “No, we won’t!” the Little Soul promised again. “I will remember you! And I will thank you for bringing me this gift ~ the chance to experience myself as Who I Am.

  ” And so, the agreement was made. And the Little Soul went forth into a new lifetime, excited to be the Light, which was very special, and excited to be that part of special called Forgiveness.

  And the Little Soul waited anxiously to be able to experience itself as Forgiveness and to thank whatever other soul made it possible. And at all the moments in that new lifetime, whenever a new soul appeared on the scene, whether that new soul brought joy or sadness–and especially if it brought sadness–the Little Soul thought of what God had said.

  “Always remember,” God had smiled, “I have sent you nothing but angels.”

  Find this here.

• easy crack slaw recipe, no carbs

  

  We make this recipe a LOT. It is excellent! We use ground chicken or turkey in place of beef. I often use two bags of coleslaw instead of one. Of course, using cabbage and all the others FRESH is an even better choice!

  • 2 cloves garlic
  • 2 tbsp sesame seed oil
  • 1 lb ground beef (we used 88% lean)
  • 10 oz. coleslaw salad mix
  • 1 tbsp sriracha
  • 2 tbsp soy sauce
  • 1 tsp rice vinegar
  • 1/4 tsp black pepper
  • 1/2 tsp pink Himalayan sea salt
  • 1 tsp sesame seeds
  • 1 stalk green onion

   

  1. Start by heating your sesame seed oil in a large wok and crushing 2 garlic cloves into it. Cook until fragrant.
  2. Add in a pound of ground beef and break up with a wooden spoon.
  3. Once your ground beef is browned, about 5-10 minutes, add in your coleslaw salad mix and toss to combine.
  4. Add in sriracha, soy sauce, and vinegar and toss. Let this cook for about 5 minutes for the coleslaw mix to wilt.
  5. Season with salt, pepper and sesame seeds. Serve with a sprinkle of green onion and enjoy!
      

  The recipe appears here.

• the magic pill: new things about food you should be aware of

  (Disclaimer – if I get some terms wrong or misquoted, it is because I am STILL learning this very new concept…)

  A New Food Journey

  And just like that, things that I had been taught for YEARS have been turned on their sides.

  As I said, years as an emotional eater, and surrounded by the same. We tried every pill, read countless books (no Google back then) tried ALL of the diets known to man, nutrition classes…YOU NAME IT, we did it.

  Since I turned 40, I can’t lose weight for the life of me. I know our metabolism slows as we age, but this is ridiculous. Most of my friends over 40 are also experiencing the same situations with similar results. Life and time are too precious and I refuse to kill myself in the name of my weight. I know it is harder, but I won’t let it consume me. It took up SOOOOO much space in my younger life, I even hate the word ‘diet’.

  Intermittent Fasting

  

  One bestie has to work twice as hard at everything because she has thyroid issues. She too has worked her ass off time and again to try and lose weight. But her thyroid keeps her in “maintain mode” really, and it isn’t fair. Recently, we both came across Intermittent Fasting (IF) at the same time. I saw a woman on the news. She and I have done cleanses, fasts, juice fasts, etc. What we heard about IF was something different. Watching YouTube videos, reading up about it…something in my brain ‘clicked’.

  I’d always been taught or read that you cannot drop below 1,500 calories a day or your body will think it is starving. It will fight your weight loss efforts by holding onto your fat for dear life (because it thinks you are starving). Lies by the diet industry for sure!

  Watch the Magic Pill First

  My friend reminds me of a documentary I had on my queue on Netflix called the Magic Pill. Use real whole foods to heal your bodies, rather than medications and processed JUNK. A couple of puzzle pieces fell into place about when, where, and why our food supply went to shit. Also, watching two autistic children – who were raised on shit diets of processed foods – do a 180 and IMPROVE when they are put on this other way of eating. A woman with cancer who cured herself with food – she never had surgery, chemo, OR radiation. She says ‘she applied science’ to her body. This is the same ‘eating style’ that many IF’s adopt for their meals and ‘eating windows’. A style that helps heal bodies, internal systems from the inside out and has caused people to LOSE EXCESS WEIGHT.

  

  I’d heard of this style of eating before. But 47 years of diet crazes, year after year, can blind you to the good stuff and really wear out its welcome. We haven’t had any good stuff in this department in so long.  Not another God-blessed DIET! But I decided to read more, research more and picked up the Complete Guide to the High Fat Diet: The Keto Diet my sister-in-law bought a couple of months ago and I dove in. Add the documentary, and I am a little pissed.

  More False Information

  As we see in the documentary, many years ago, the American Heart Association said high fats = high cholesterol = heart attack, disease, death, sickness, blah blah. Food pyramids promote carbs and grains. Both of which my body has been using as energy for years. And I have struggled with my weight for years also. And now I have learned, there are ways to make your body switch and become ‘fat adaptive’. Utilizing this very specific eating style will then cause your body to use FAT as a primary energy source instead! YEAH, I didn’t know this was an option either!

  Ketogenic isn’t just another ‘diet’ like Atkins, Paleo, or South Beach. It is more like a hidden secret the diet industry doesn’t want you to know. It has been used with a lot of diabetics and has helped improve their sugar levels or taken them off their medications altogether.

  I am still reading the book because it covers IT ALL and it is science and learning new things. But, I began Intermittent Fasting last weekend, the 15th of June in an effort to wean myself off sugar again. I started creating a larger ‘eating window’ to start, from 11 am to 7 pm. but I will narrow it down again to 12-5pm.

  What I am Doing for Ketogenic So Far

  I have gone cold turkey on carbs four days ago too. It is a necessary step to push your body into becoming ‘fat adaptive’. After 47 years of carbs, it will take at least 10-15 days to switch my body over. So I decided to go EXTREME with it. I have realized I am better at all or nothing when trying to get something under control or change. I am only consuming the carbs found in veggies and other small, natural locations. No sweets. No sugar. No pasta. No bread. No potatoes. BUT, I have to eat some chicken and turkey – instead of going plant-based – while I transition, to make sure I’ve covered proteins and any fat. I am adding MORE healthy fats because this is a HUGE key component to the health benefits and turning my body into ketosis. Fat-burning for fuel instead of glucose.

  This book is an EXCELLENT source because it covers everything. But it is a lot to take in. I have to do it slowly.

  So now THIS is the journey I have begun – IF and Ketogenic. I can already tell there is a difference. Being hungry off carbs is like this ache at the pit of your stomach that cannot be satiated. I can break a fast (right now I am going from 7 pm to 11 am daily, which is a 16 hour-fast. Once I get it more manageable, I will do two-24 hour fasts a week too) with a couple of bits of healthy fat and I am already not hungry. As we speak, I ate five hours ago, and I am still full. I can push through the hunger to work out, not like carbs.

  So join me on this new journey! This is NOT hype (well it could be, but not mine!). Not sponsored content, who-ha, or anything! Let’s see how this works, it could be a GOLDMINE to me!

  

• how it all started

  As I expand the subjects I am writing about, I feel it is necessary to give a synapse of how the journey began for each topic. I promise I won’t repeat the story with each post.

  One of the things I don’t usually talk about is my faith in God. Most of the people who surround me don’t believe in the things that I do, so I keep to myself.

  A Fresh Start

  I came from a “once Catholic” family thrust into modernity by my accidental arrival. My aunts were bringing home trans-channelers, books on Edgar Cayce, Seth Speaks,  Ramtha,  Whole Life Expos, tarot cards, dream interpretation and anything else metaphysical under the sun in the 1980s. Life took a new direction in our family, and it met me at puberty’s gate.

  All of my life I felt something was missing. The only knowledge I had of God was given at church. I was led to believe God could only be found through churches.

  In my later twenties, I welcomed a nervous breakdown after a relationship I knew was the last of its kind. I wore it into the ground and made it as bad as it could get so I could tear it all down. 

  My grandmother had shelves of spiritual books I was reading and borrowed since I was a teen. Dick Sutphen, Ramtha, Ruth Montgomery. We were seeing psychic mediums become more ‘mainstream’. Still, I felt the committee meeting behind held in my mind was holding conferences in a room I wasn’t allowed to attend. I remember after a night class at the Junior College in Santa Rosa, waiting at a bus stop. A girl walked up to me, randomly, and asked me if I knew Jesus. I heard one of Cheech and Chong’s skits in my head and replied, “Yeah, yeah, I talked to him this morning.”

  Finally Moving to the Bay Area

  

  Then, my dream of living in the Bay Area came true, with my “future husband” (not). I was able to go to school full-time and Oprah and I hung out between classes. With her, she brought Gary Zukav, Dr. Phil (I love him!) Wayne Dyer, Ilyana Vanzant, and any other guest she had – we were having daily A-HA moments together.

  Once again, these books that sat on my grandmother’s shelves moved their way to my shelves so I could stare at their spines all the time – they either called to me so loudly or performed one of those ‘meant to be moments’ by falling off the shelf onto the floor.

  Either Oprah or a guest spoke of the far-out collection of books, Conversations with God. Transchanneling? Automatic writing? None of the ‘how’ was discussed.

  It wasn’t even that far out. But, when I finally picked them up and read them? What I read blew my mind. I never did so much thinking, and sorting through my life memories, thoughts, and feelings of my ENTIRE existence before. I felt the foundation being pulled out from under me and I was looking at all the trash, baggage, and issues as they fell. 

  Taking My Hikes

  

  I was attending a junior college surrounded by the ocean and nature. It was the first time I had finally lived EXACTLY where I wanted. Most of my big thoughts took place on a walk, hike, or run.

  At the time, one of my besties was a HUGE Keannu Reeves fan so she thrust her latest find on me – the band he had formed, Dogstar. For some reason, I fell hard for the music and the two albums they made became my running music. And mantras.

  One day, one song’s beginning lines kept circling around my head:

  If I take all the love I have for myself and I give it all to you…would it kill the big monster that lives down inside, and throw all the history aside?

  It was so simple, I couldn’t believe my ears. If you have no love for yourself, what are you giving away, your monsters that live down inside? An odd A-HA moment but I strive to not give anyone my monsters. Everything started to fall into place. For the first time in my life, I felt the foundation of HEATHER was at least defined and begging to be built.

  We Are All One

  Once you realize God is everywhere, in everything, in everyone and in the nothing and in the space in between – ALL OF IT is God – it is like letting a big fat Genie out of the bottle and you cannot put her back. When you face Mother Nature, the oceans, the seas, the universe and see the grand design at work and God’s beauty in everything, it becomes harder not to be touched to tears by the beauty of it all. When you see yourself as having a place and importance in the grand scheme of things, it becomes harder and harder to keep disliking yourself. OR anyone for that matter.

  

  I don’t want to bore you with all the details, but this was the beginning of a new and exciting, but very difficult path. Once you let the genie out…

  Spirituality is you decide for yourself what God and life mean to you. Religion is others deciding what it means for you. Usually, sprinkled with sin and FEAR. Anything rooted in fear is not God. Not that I am one to tell you.

  I believe everything happens for a reason and it is all for our spiritual growth. To expand our awareness to include God in everything. To cultivate such blind faith, you are grateful for the experiences that show up instead of trying to control everything. I believe in Saints, Signs, and Signals – that God is talking to all of us all the time, guiding us. It is a fine-tuned radio station that you have to listen to.

  The idea of separation from all that is is an illusion. We are all one, we are all in this together with our brothers and sisters. All paths lead to God, we all return to God in the end.

  At least, that is part of my take on it, and I do what I can to walk my talk.

• Blackberry Summer Pudding

  

  I am not a big fan of sweets because I am very sensitive to the effects of sugar on my body. I can’t eat a lot of fruit either without it acting like regular ‘sugar’ and packing the pounds on. But this recipe is rather basic, and I LOVE blackberries (wild, along the roads in Italy, I picked ‘mora’ and ate as I picked). However, I don’t see the need for BOTH sugar and honey with the berries. I’d drop the sugar altogether and stick with just honey.

  The reference to ‘pudding’ is very clearly not American pudding either! Adding bread constitutes the ‘pudding’ part of this Food Network version. It is something different than our ‘pudding’.

  8 cups of blackberries (about 6 half-pints)

  3/4 cup of granulated sugar – leave out

  2 tablespoons of honey

  2 teaspoons of grated lemon zest, plus 1 tablespoon of juice

  1 loaf of sliced white sandwich bread (or sliced brioche. Day-old or dried-out bread works best)

  1 vanilla bean

  1 cup of cold heavy cream

  1 tablespoon of confectioner’s sugar.

  In a medium saucepan, toss 4 cups of the blackberries with the honey, lemon zest, and juice. Bring to a boil, and reduce berries to simmer gently until the berries burst, about 8 minutes. Remove from the heat, add the other 4 cups of berries and let the mixture cool. (Save a few berries for the garnish)

  Grease the sides of a 2-quart souffle dish (or something comparable, we don’t all have souffle dishes!) and line with plastic wrap. Remove crusts from the bread and line the bottom and sides of the pan with a single layer of bread, trim as needed to cover the entire dish.

  Spoon half of the berry mixture into the dish, with juices. Cover with another single layer of bread. Spoon the rest of the berry mixture on top of the bread layer, and cover that with another layer of bread to completely seal it. Cover with any juice left, and plastic wrap. Cover with a small plate and weigh it down with a large heavy can. Refrigerate the pudding for at least 6 hours, preferably overnight.

  To serve, split vanilla bean in a bowl with seeds. Add the cream and confectioners sugar and beat until peaks form.

  Put the pudding dish into a sink filled with an inch of warm water, to loosen the pudding. Remove the weight and plastic wrap from the top. Put a bigger plate over the top, and invert the pudding. Remove the rest of the plastic wrap. Top with whipped cream, and garnish with a few fresh blackberries.

  image and recipe courtesy of FoodNetwork.

• My Go-To Recipe: Majadera (Lentils and Rice)

  The gentleman in Israel is also a foodie and shared this recipe with me. I first made it in Greece, because it is a CHEAP, EASY, and healthy dish for traveling. You also only need one pot to make this. The first time I made it, it was enough to eat off for the entire week! I have made many different things with it. I have mixed in spinach, zucchinis, cabbage & onions and ate it as is. I’ve used it like taco filling, inside of romaine leaves. I have used cauliflower in place of the rice and left the rice out altogether. I have halved the recipe and still made enough for days. I also add garlic in, and spicy peppers when carmelizing the onions. You can never have TOO many onions. You can add peppers and mushrooms after the onions are close to being ready. BUT, the onions are the key. They really give it a lot of flavors.

  

  Recipe

  • 2 Medium onions (yellow or red or combo)
  • 2 Cups lentils, picked over and rinsed (green, brown, or black will all work, but cooking times vary)
  • 2 Cups rice (white, brown, or wild, bulgur will also work)
  • ²⁄₃ Cup olive oil (or enough to cover bottom of pan)
  • 8 Cups water
  • 1 Tablespoon cumin
  • 1 Teaspoon cinnamon
  • Salt (about 2 tsp)
  • Pepper

  

  Directions

  1. Roughly chop the onions. In a deep pot, heat the oil and add the onions, stirring to coat them.
  2. Let the onions simmer on low to medium heat, stirring occasionally, until they turn a deep brown or almost black, 15-20 minutes. This is the most important step! It gives most of the flavor to the dish. If necessary, add a little oil to keep the onions from burning.
  3. Add cumin, cinnamon, and lentils; stir and cook for some seconds.
  4. Add the water. Bring to a boil, then turn stove to low heat. Let the lentils simmer until soft (about 25-30 minutes; time varies depending on the type of lentil).
  5. Add the rice (or bulgur), salt, and pepper.
  6. Cover the pot. Cook 10 minutes (or according to the rice instructions). Check after 10 minutes to see if the rice is tender / if needs more water. Turn off heat when done, fluff, and let the rice “rest” for another few minutes with the lid on. Add more salt or pepper if needed.

  https://www.food.com/recipe/majadera-lentil-onion-and-rice-dish-524392

• having a healthy relationship with food

  My parents had four mouths to feed by the time they hit 27. It is an understatement to say we were poor. Regardless, my mother always sat me and my siblings together to eat and we always had food, and it wasn’t crap food. She did her best with what she could get.

  I swayed off course when puberty hit. I discovered Wendy’s .99 cent hamburgers and started working at Taco Bell. My ‘diet’ still wasn’t shot to crap, but quick and cheap was appealing since puberty was all about flying by the seat of your pants.

  Read Ingredient Labels

  

  I finally got it on track in my 20’s when ‘light’ and ‘fat-free’ hit the shelves. I got ‘skinny’ for the first time (metabolism still flying high from the hormone surge of puberty) and kept fat and sugar to minimums. This is my earliest awareness of being taught to always READ INGREDIENTS in food labels. I noticed these ‘light and fat-free’ products had ingredient lists a mile long. Ingredients I had NO clue what they were. Take the fat out but let’s add five different kinds of sugar? No Thanks. Fewer ingredients = Better. No ingredient list? EVEN BETTER, the BEST. I began, what my friend has referred to as, my ‘bark and berry’ way of eating. Only foods in their natural forms with as few ingredients as possible.

  Luckily, I took nutrition in college from a very informed teacher. She showed us Diet for a New America, King Korn, and other documentaries that opened my eyes to the realities of our food supply.

  Of course, I am an emotional eater. Sometimes after a long, hard day, nothing hits the spot like a bag of chicken strips and a can of Foster’s. So I have my days. I don’t call it a ‘diet’ because that word has just morphed off into something negative and restrictive. You need to see it as a way of eating and you need to have a positive relationship with food. We have to nourish ourselves daily with healthy choices. But we cannot deprive ourselves, or punish ourselves for our treats. Each meal or snack is an opportunity and tomorrow is always a new day. 

  Monsanto & GMOs

  

  I’ve watched our food supply go to hell in a handbasket since those beginning years. Thank you, Monsanto, for slipping in the back door when people weren’t looking. Two of the largest GMO crops in the USA are corn and soy. If you read ingredient labels (and I urge you to develop this habit), you will see one of these in every single processed food out there, in some form. Even the animals people eat are usually fed this garbage too. GMO farms (using Monsanto seeds or “Round-Up Ready”) have taken over the mainstream supplies and put all the smaller farmers out of business. They initiated TONS of frivolous lawsuits against those saving seeds, something farmers have been doing for centuries. GMO farms sit next door to an organic farm and people don’t think about wind and the bees, and cross-pollination. I would never say a farm is organic if there is a GMO farm in the neighborhood.

  Also, look around at the people you know with food addictions who are emotional eaters, how does their health look at this age? On lots of medications? Diabetic maybe?

  Clean Eating

  Today, I limit a LOT when I am in America. A lot of produce and veggies (despite the GMO’s) very very little animals, no sugars (if I can help it, can’t always!), and good fats. I keep my whole grains/carbs in the earlier parts of the day when I am more active. When I traveled around Europe, I was able to cleanse my body of all the American damage, and meat…and celebrated the lack of GMO’s and farmer’s markets. I was forced to return, and I am back to square one.

  I eat some FUNKY dishes. But they are simple, healthy, and taste good. I will be talking about healthy eating, international foods, cultures and influences, and sharing recipes, tips, and hints. I also traveled around with very limited ‘kitchens’. I lived in a studio in San Francisco in a basement in which my ‘kitchen area’ consisted of a sink and a fridge. I managed to cook for myself (and others, once I cooked for eight other people) all the time. I will show you many ways to ‘cook without a kitchen’ or limited kitchens.

  

  I will also show you how to clean up your recipes and other alternatives – in bark and berry form. But I do love cheese. And I am really in tune with my body, and it often tells me what it wants and needs. Natural food to me means how it was grown and given. Not processed alternatives. I rarely use things in a box (when I am alone, cooking for ME) or a jar, unless necessary. Or there are other people I am cooking for who don’t do this lifestyle.

  A Word on Processed Alternatives

  I am sorry but I do not believe processed soy alternatives instead of animals are healthier. Morning Star is one of the leading purveyors of soy alternatives for vegetarians and they are on the list of Monsanto companies using GMO’s. I also don’t get the concept if you don’t believe in eating animals for compassion’s sake, why you would eat a soy-product that is ‘flavored or substituted’ for said animal? I don’t judge. I just don’t get it. I eat animals when my body tells me to, and it is rarely COWS. Chickens yes. Eggs ALWAYS. And I still know that Pork.Fat.Rules. But TO A MINIMUM. I just believe soy-based alternatives are just another processed food in a box, even without animals in it. And nowadays, there are so many recipes you can Google and make yourself. Most people use the excuse they haven’t the time. Food and the tradition of sitting with your family for a wholesome meal is something that you should be MAKING time for. This is part of the positive relationship with food and making the time is necessary. Making excuses for any part of healthy eating puts it on the negative and sets you up for failure.

  If I want eggs, I eat eggs, not EggBeaters. I make my own salad dressings. Except for Annie’s, ALL dressings have sugar, SUGAR, and more SUGAR! And soybean oils. I’d make my own mayo too because what is in this country is CRAP. Oil, egg, and an emulsifier are ALL you need to make mayo (aioli’s cousin) and the jarred crap is crap. I cut it out altogether years ago. I love yogurt too, but they involve cultures to make at home, using yogurt as a ‘starter’ or raw milk (hard to find) so I do have to buy Greek yogurt here (more protein and less fat than regular yogurt) and the occasional sour cream (plain greek yogurt works in place of that too).

  

  The Future

  This begins a more comprehensive food journey on my blog, and where I plan on going with it. Recipes, discussions, tips, and hints. While I am in the US, it might be limited to what I can scout out instead of creating myself, since I am at the mercy of someone else’s kitchen and food. But, once I get back out there…!!

  When you create a positive relationship with food, you become more aware of your emotional eating. It is important to treat yourself, regularly and leave the guilt at the door. Pick back up the next meal or the following day. Guilt and shame keep you in the negative cycles. Focus on the positives you have done instead of punishing yourself for falling off the wagon.

• WHAT the SAM HELL?

  First, it was you. One of the first inspirations of my life. The man who showed me comedy heals, laughter heals. I have not even written about you yet, because the shock is still there. The tears still flow when I think about writing my ode to Oh Captain, My Captain!

  

  And then the man who sparked my love of food, culture, and everything that traveling brings. The man who said “Dirt was never an impediment to a good meal” and much much more, here we are again….

  

  And there are more. MANY, MANY more that aren’t famous and aren’t even mentioned. What is going on with mental health that people are slipping through the cracks and slipping out of this world? Why is it coming to this?

  I am in shock once again at such a loss. 

• new name, new ideas, new plans

  In the process of sorting through the rubble of 2017, I had to find some good sense out of everything that happened. I wanted to write about it, but here is my blog and it is really not 100% of what I envision. One of the first things they tell you to do when planning your blog and your brand is to pick a niche. I’ve realized that is like asking me to define myself in one way or with one word. I just can’t do it. I pride myself on marching to the beat of my own drum. So I wasn’t feeling it yet.

  The name of my blog wasn’t easy enough and I got tired of explaining what it meant. I needed to decide on something easy, but defining. My mom is a hippie. My aunts were too. Many of the principles of living life that came from the hippie movement are at the core of who I am. And the biggest thing I am trying to learn is to stay strong even in the storms. Keep your pink clouds of happiness through the darkest hours. I need to be bolder and braver talking about them. We tell our stories to help validate others’ experiences. So my name has changed to Happy Hippy. It will be eclectic (or eccentric, however you want to view it!) and cover whatever I want to talk about, now and in the future. I have refrained from using my personal family name all over the place, but I had to add the hedy. Believe it or not, happyhippy.com (wanted the spellings similar) was for sale for a cool $32-40,000! So hedy was added to reduce the cost by $39,985.

  

  Brevity needs to be my better friend in this venture. I will be posting with fewer words. Who has time for lengthy posts? I have book ideas for those stories. And I will talk more about solutions to express positive actions in all we do in life. I threw in the towel recently, had a meltdown, then Joyce Meyers drug my arse back up, and here we are. I will write about the things I know well, health, traveling,  adventure, outdoor activities, strength in character, food, recipes, cooking, libations, life, whatever I feel inspired to share that might help someone else in their own lives. I will talk about God and spirituality. I will talk about health and clean living. I also have created a category of the strange and unusual. Because I am strange and unusual. I have to be bold and be brave.

  And eventually, I will be attempting to create my own small business here to have the life I dream of, independent of other people who might rip me off and never pay me. I have to work smarter now, I am trying to make it in a virtual world along with millions of others. I have to do it in my own unique way. And I am finding my inspiration again. I am finding more confidence in this, thanks to my world opening up again. I am finding many self-publishing sites, so a schedule will be made, topics will be listed and I will start taking action, on a regular basis.

  

  And pictures. More pictures. I found a plug-in for my Instagram feed, so check that page out. My cameras aren’t the spiffiest. But I have to make do with what I got, and it will bring me what I need. And I will be ok with that. We spend too much time in life focusing on what we think we aren’t or what we don’t have or can’t do or what we lack. Instead of picking up the tools we do have and creating with what we got, and being ok with it. Why isn’t it ever good enough? IT IS and then some. I’m reminded when people say ‘but I am not perfect’. Fact is, we are perfect just as we are. But expanding, growing, changing, taking chances, and being aware is living life large. I have always tried to live as such and intend to continue. 

  I am not going to get knocked down again. Here I go!

  

  PS – Facebook seems to have an issue with my change. So I may need to create a new page, because, as we know FB is an idiot.