At a certain age, you’d think the lessons would get easier. The latest huge lesson of being scammed and taken advantage of was the mother of all lessons. I realized, in hindsight, this was necessary.
In my 47 years on this planet, I have a belief system of helping and serving God unconditionally. I never cared about being taken advantage of. That is their karma – not mine.
Now, I am realizing at 47, I don’t even set personal boundaries with those around me. I have always lived and let live. Even those close to me. I would drop everything and give the shirt off my back. And yet, with Christine, this was probably the 4th time that I have helped in ways that have cost me THOUSANDS. The tap is more than dry.
So No More, For Anyone
I am a highly sensitive person. I used to always take that personally when someone would say that about me. I am passionate! However, today, I realize the definition of highly sensitive means much more. I am also what is called an Empath. Well, there is more to me than that, but don’t want to scare folks off.
What it means is, I am highly influenced by everyone else’s energy, issues, problems, anything. Even from a distance, I can tune into it. I haven’t the skills yet to learn to shut it out or down. Nor do I want to. So I am having to shut it OUT until I can learn more and get stronger in my own feet and energy space.
Right now, I am in between a rock and a hard place. I am still very much in the red financially, breaking ‘even’ but still so far in the hole. I can’t help anyone right now, I have to focus on my own path, my own dreams, and my own stuff. This is hard for some people close to me to understand.
I’ve explained it nicely, but some just don’t get it. You teach people how to treat you and after 20-30 years of Heather being a certain way, it is hard to ‘reteach’ some people. So, I step back and focus on myself.
A New Dream in Progress
I am currently searching for new opportunities to help myself and make my dreams come true again. I have been in the United States TOOO long. I am getting antsy for my own space and focusing on some things I haven’t done yet insofar as my path is concerned. What I came into this life to accomplish. Many many things.
I will be stepping back and holding back from most of everyone. I get toooo distracted. I actually feel GUILTY if I can’t help someone.
I also realize I am slightly ADD/ADHD – just now saying that out loud. My mom told me years ago I was a hyperactive child they wanted on Ritalin. JUST NOW realizing what that means to me personally and seeing it.
What It All Means
I have another plan and I am putting it into motion. I can’t talk about it until it happens. I never like to jinx things where my goals, dreams, and plans are concerned until they are paved out. I asked for the path to appear, and it was clear. Something I had wanted to do that I forgot about.
My diet is going well too! I have lost 30 pounds, almost two sizes, and at least 2-3 inches off everything. It is harder to fast during the high-hormone time – but I have managed to stay away from carbs and sugar. I am well along the way, once these HHs subside.
Right now, I am just working through a lot. I have to keep my walls up. I see great things to come and feel God and the Universe are preparing the way for my ‘promotion’. And I will do whatever it takes to make it happen, including being selfish for the first time in my life and just taking care of ME.
